Watching the spontaneous fireworks by the Dom 12-31-2004

friends and holidays

Hard to believe I've been back home for half a year already. It really seems like I am just on a break from being in Germany, and while I am having a good time here, I do wonder what it'd be like to move back to Bamberg or a new German city sometime soon. I'm at a point where I am just not sure where I fit in anymore: my high school friends are lovely and wonderful, and they know my history and what makes me laugh and what makes me cry, and yet I don't know who has changed more, myself or them. I don't always feel like I belong anymore with them, but I don't think it's something intentional, because I do enjoy being around them still. My college friends are classics and I wouldn't trade them for anyone else. They know about the Chronicles, they have been there for the sticky situations and memories, and they understand what it's like to have gone to Princeton. Problem here is that everyone is scattered now. I guess that is the big ol' trick with getting a solid education--you head off to achieve the impossible, no matter where in the world it is. This is something that I usually notice in particular around New Year's when everyone is trying to come up with some fun and exciting way to celebrate. It's always so frustrating, because for whatever reasons the right mix of people is never around and plans always fall through. For some friends that is their trademark...that they change their minds at the last minute. For others, they are just following the pull to be with a significant other or some other sort of personal friend. Yet in the end, everyone that I thought I would get to spend the night with almost always has gone a different way and I sit here wondering what went wrong. How did I end up yet again with no real plans or (at this point) even potential prospects??
Last year was different. It was one of the first holiday seasons that I didn't feel awkward or like I had to throw something together at the last minute. It was my first real holiday. There were never any questions about who I would be spending the time with or what we would do. It was just there. There was time for going out and people to do it with and everyone was happy. Maybe it was just the German traditionalness that I fell in love with, but every day that I sit here trying to figure out what to do next, I miss Bamberg all the more. I guess that's not entirely true; what I miss are the people and the friends and the stories that I formed during my year there. They were all so fresh and original, and while I had a few awkward moments and connections about going to Princeton, no one seemed to care. The stigma was mostly gone. And I loved it. There was none of the wierdo p.c. debating or any other sort of weasling your way out of an engagement, because everyone genuinely wanted to hang out together and celebrate as a group. It was perfect.

N.B.

Impossible to forget. Hard to remember.

family christmas at home. first time in two years.

Break Time!!

I love being home, even for a few days, but now I have a few weeks, and to be honest it is quite lovely. The holidays are also interested, because all sorts of people try to catch up...and usually there are a few unexpected contacts made. There are always people that you wish you had stayed in touch with more or that you have misplaced contact information for, and yet somehow life has a funny way of working out over time. A call here or an email there pops up to remind you of someplace and person from the past. Might be a good memory and a melancholy one, but for me, this is the highlight of life.

My buddy Lindsey, who is doing her teacher prep in Ohio. So she understands :p

Bye Bye Teacher Prep

Not so sad to see it go! Just submitted over 160 pages for my final review for teaching certification. I don't think I have ever been so happy. ever. Now the department at Princeton will review (but not until the end of Jan!!) and then things get sent to the State Dept. of Education for official certification. Apparently I won't be certified for real till around March. Talk about reasons for a teacher shortage! Anyways, now I am done and can be fun again :) Woohoo! So excited!

There's an imp...

I feel like there's a little imp on my shoulder, whispering all kinds of naughty mischief in my ear. My student teaching is done, my seminar is over, and all of my grad apps that are due in December are finished and mailed off. Unfortunately my ability to sit still and concentrate seem to have disappeared as well! I am really close to being all done with my work for this silly seminar, and yet I just want to be done so badly that all I can think about is what it will be like to have nothing that has to be done for a few days. doh. I think I am screwing myself over. I need a plan. And it is not going to involve making muffins OR thinking about christmas gifts! Ok. Watch me go! weeeee!

Ryan, Chapman and Skip

I heart my Tower Boys

Best winter formals table. Ever.

firsts

Maybe 'cause it's December or the end of my teaching or a Monday, this morning was the perfect time for reflection. This past year was one of many firsts. It marked an end to somethings that were familiar and comfortable in my life. It was the beginning of something new. It was the first time I was not near my family for a long time, where it was not easy to stop by for a visit. It was the first time that I showed someone outside of my family poems I had written. It was the first time I fell in love. And let myself tell him I what I felt. It was a year of trials and adventures. It was the first time I was apart from my best friends for the better part of a year. It was the first time I saw that I could live in another country in the future and really want to be there instead of here. It was the first time I felt like a real grown-up, and maybe that is part of why this fall has been so hard. This fall was a return to the familiar of the past, but this place is only shadows of my memories. It's a place I will always feel welcomed and at home, and yet it is no longer mine. I'm looking forward to moving on to something new in a few weeks, glad to leave the past behind, and not make the same mistakes again. It's going to be hard. I know that, but that is what makes it so exciting.

snow snow snow

so close to the end of my student teaching, and yet it looks like tomorrow's got potential for a snow day! and my housemates and i have stocked up on tastyness and firewood. this is going to be an awesome week: snow, diSiac, formals, baltimore, and other stories of ridiculousness!!

Bamberg's Gluehwein Spectacular

Snowy Sundays!

Finally near the end of all my student teaching troubles and lack of sleep, although I do have to admit to having had a great bunch of students. Without these particular students and their bizarre quirks and attitudes, I doubt very much that I would have finished my certification. The best part of being almost done is getting time back for myself. This weekend I have slept for more hours than I usually get in an entire week! wooohoo! And then last night, on the cold walk home from Tower, it was snowing :) How can you not like the snow? Now we have snow, my housemates put up a Christmas tree, I added an awesome wreath to our door, and I am finally justified in playing my holiday CDs. Awesome. Next step is to get some firewood, cocoa and friends. Although were I still in Germany, you would have to substitute cocoa for Gluehwein...'cause really is there anything better in the whole world?