friends and holidays

Hard to believe I've been back home for half a year already. It really seems like I am just on a break from being in Germany, and while I am having a good time here, I do wonder what it'd be like to move back to Bamberg or a new German city sometime soon. I'm at a point where I am just not sure where I fit in anymore: my high school friends are lovely and wonderful, and they know my history and what makes me laugh and what makes me cry, and yet I don't know who has changed more, myself or them. I don't always feel like I belong anymore with them, but I don't think it's something intentional, because I do enjoy being around them still. My college friends are classics and I wouldn't trade them for anyone else. They know about the Chronicles, they have been there for the sticky situations and memories, and they understand what it's like to have gone to Princeton. Problem here is that everyone is scattered now. I guess that is the big ol' trick with getting a solid education--you head off to achieve the impossible, no matter where in the world it is. This is something that I usually notice in particular around New Year's when everyone is trying to come up with some fun and exciting way to celebrate. It's always so frustrating, because for whatever reasons the right mix of people is never around and plans always fall through. For some friends that is their trademark...that they change their minds at the last minute. For others, they are just following the pull to be with a significant other or some other sort of personal friend. Yet in the end, everyone that I thought I would get to spend the night with almost always has gone a different way and I sit here wondering what went wrong. How did I end up yet again with no real plans or (at this point) even potential prospects??
Last year was different. It was one of the first holiday seasons that I didn't feel awkward or like I had to throw something together at the last minute. It was my first real holiday. There were never any questions about who I would be spending the time with or what we would do. It was just there. There was time for going out and people to do it with and everyone was happy. Maybe it was just the German traditionalness that I fell in love with, but every day that I sit here trying to figure out what to do next, I miss Bamberg all the more. I guess that's not entirely true; what I miss are the people and the friends and the stories that I formed during my year there. They were all so fresh and original, and while I had a few awkward moments and connections about going to Princeton, no one seemed to care. The stigma was mostly gone. And I loved it. There was none of the wierdo p.c. debating or any other sort of weasling your way out of an engagement, because everyone genuinely wanted to hang out together and celebrate as a group. It was perfect.